Under normal circumstances, this would be viewed as a positive thing. At least this time around Lucy, my thirty-something masseuse, is a total sweetheart. Im quite sure that at least one rib is broken and my spleen may be leaking. Satans own torture handbook couldnt compete with this stuff. No, this was not our happy ending. I am attempting my second Thai massage in Chiang Mai. For four years, Ive been trying to forget my first Thai massage, and now I found myself sprawled on a mat again waiting to be squashed like a nervous cricket.
The strange thing was that the door was closed and we had to ring the bell. The old woman took such pleasure in giving foreigners pain that I was afraid she would look up my family one day mafia-style to give them massages, too. We are here for a massage!, I said. With neck and back aching after a 12-hour night train to the north, a massage sounded like a good idea at the time. But in this given instance, one of her meaty arms which are thicker than my thighs is currently working its way up my leg, leaving a trail of numb destruction behind. Not even a whisper interrupts the ambiance of what sounds like the warm up for Roman gladiators about to enter the arena. As she helped me up, I was expecting to float back to the lobby on my cloud of new energy. Maybe I was wrong. If you want a massage with a happy ending in Stockholm, just look for the massage parlors with a Thai flag by the entrance.
You could tell that there was nobody around, though. Here I am again. All across the darkened room, which reeks of camphor oil, I can see people intertwined in various postures. But sexual fantasies are the last thing on your mind when youre in this much pain trust. Instead, it felt more like I was slinging numb, partially attached bags of meat my legs and feet in front. Traveling from Helsinki to Stockholm was way more tiring than expected. But at least now we know where other folks in Stockholm are getting theirs! How come they are all full?
Whatever Lucy has done, it worked. For the past 15 minutes, I have tried meditation, visualization, and everything else imaginable to take my mind off the fact that there is a woman sat on top. Maybe it was the fact that the spa had a special: 3 for one full hour. Oh well, we made our way to the next massage parlor, just down the road. Not goodbut assuming that I regain muscle control within the next week, not all is lost. Maybe she wont go after my family. We havent been very lucky with this platform lately, that is for sure..
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